how the times have changed...

readme.

i guess i can call this my diary. i don't have twitter and i don't want to post this sort of thing on facebook. I also want to leave this on the internet so i can come back to it one day seeing how events in my life have shaped the person i am.leaving it in a paper diary or on my computer will definitely lead itself to being lost. this wont! call this post a reaction to another chapter of my life coming to a close.

I haven't been on this thing for so long. and reading previous posts makes me want to kick myself in the balls, really hard. what kind of puss emotional fake was i before? god

I do admit to having a history of being an idiot. and in many ways, i still am a big idiot. but here i go outlining my current state of life . enjoy if you're reading, but really is for myself.

love.

im 27 now, working, collecting, building the nest egg.

endured another failed relationship recently- albeit was fun while it lasted. count that as 5 real ones now? and a bunch of nitty-gritties. could regain strength once the timing is right. but the future is uncertain and full of surprises.

what am i building this nest-egg for? for myself? ultimately i want to find that person who'll be my partner in crime, to build with and to appreciate each other's efforts. I want to share this with someone who shares my values in life and who is intelligent enough to reason and talk logic with me. its frustrating when all i encounter are people who aren't on my level. they don't get it. this goes for anything and everything - i think there's a little stupid in everyone (including me), and a little more stupid in most.

religion.

i haven't been to church in 4 years. i ask myself if I've lost my salvation and I wonder what God will think of me. i haven't changed as a person nor have my values in life changed. I am essentially the same person the last 4 years as if I've been going to church. Then what is the use of church? i have zero faith in people. if anything, i have faith in God that everyone will get what they deserve when they are judged. In that sense, church is a meaningless establishment built on a social, political, and economical foundation. This is only my opinion. Since i'm so efficiently inclined, I choose to take my sundays off and my mind cleared from here on out. However, if there is a reason to go back (to any church), then i would not rule out a glorious return. I would feel like a spy as newbies would try to convert me, not knowing my 23 years of church under my belt, of which only 12 of the years I knew what was going on.

politics.

zero interest in politics. don't even like to vote. my mom annoyed me so much that i went for the last vote. voted conservative. so i win!

education.

grew up knowing what I had to do. now that I've done it, i realize that i cant stop. learning is life-long. learning is a defense. Learning is protection. dont think that just because you have your bachelor's and a job that you're going to be ok, cause you'll be in for a surprise. the world is harsh, and the world doesn't care.

what does this mean for me? i bought my GMAT books 1.5 years ago and i haven't even opened it. I started reading my CPIM material and booked the first exam. god, definitions putting me to sleep. come on! hate school, but its necessary.

escaping reality.

why do i like 1990s music and movies so much? the oldies music brings me back to when i was a kid. it brings me back to better times where i didnt have to care about anything. didnt have to care about health, the american dream, what my marks were. those were good times. in retrospect, i dont think i wouldve done things differently. i may have possibly went a few different directions with the girlies, but nothing drastic.

i love fantasy movies, movies that show a different world, a different time, anywhere but where i am. i dont like this world that much, mostly because i havent seen much of it. id like to go to the maldives, to bora bora, to greece, to paris. when my dreams become reality, i think i'll have a better mindset on loving life. till then, i'll stick to music and movies.

i cant think of anything else to put on here right now, but i'm sure ill be back at some point to give myself an update.

peace drew